My First Real Mother’s Day

Last year, I was past my due date with Kaylee when Mother’s Day happened.  I didn’t really feel like a mother, but I didn’t not feel like a mother either.  It was a weird feeling.  This year there is no question about it, I am a mother.  I had told someone that it was much nicer holding Kaylee in my arms instead of in my tummy.

Sunday at church, the most convicting part of the service was hearing a wise woman’s prayer for the mother’s at Grace.  I look up to this woman spiritually, and I get the privilege of visiting with her at times when I go to clean for her and her husband every other week.  When I picture a prayer warrior, I picture her.  Even her son said that she was dedicated in her devotions and prayer life every day.

She prayed that mothers would seek praying for their own children.  When Kaylee was a newborn, I sought to be that mother.  Over time, my heart got distracted and I lost focus on that.  My heart’s desire is that Kaylee and all her future siblings would come to know Jesus as her Lord and Savior.  This past year, I grew to love Kaylee so much that she was taking higher priority than God in my life.  Many times I picture myself walking before the throne of God and feeling like He keeps saying “Leave her with me.  Let me take care of her.”  It challenged me to really think about who has my little girl’s heart.  I can teach her and pray for her and love her all I want, but that alone won’t save my daughter.  It’s not enough that I read to her and pray for her every night before I put her to bed.  I need to be doing that myself.  I need to be seeking wisdom all the time.  I need to be showing her what it looks like to have a personal relationship with Jesus by actually doing it.  We all struggle with it some time or another.  We hit dry spells and have to push through them even when we don’t feel like it.  God is more than a feeling, and it’s harder to run to Him daily when we don’t want to.  But, if He claims to be the living water, which He does, then I can be satisfied in Him when I’m dry.  Desire or no desire, you either hydrate yourself in Him or you die.

I want to teach Kaylee that, but I know I can’t alone.  I know that I won’t save my daughter.  It pains me, but it reminds me of who I am.  I am a mother, but I need the Father to fulfill my desires for my daughter.  For that to happen, I need to be listening.  And for me to listen, I need to be going where He is speaking…His Word.

For all the mothers, mothers-to-be, and praying-to-be mothers out there, please be praying now for your children.  And also be praying for yourself.  Be praying that you will let God take your children where He wants them to go.  Be praying that you will hold them tight, but let them go at the same time.  Be praying that you will love them unconditionally, but that you will love God more.  Be praying that your children see that God is a priority in your life so that they know how to make Him a priority in theirs.

Also be praying that you can and will let your husband join you in this.  Seek his support and be willing to open your heart to him.  Pray together.  Fight together.  Live together.

This is my heart’s conviction, my heart’s true desire for my family.  If it is yours as well, become the prayer warrior you need to be for your family, and start your training to do so today.  If you are already making that choice, then I ask that you please pray for mother’s like me as well…that we would desire God first and regularly train to be better prayer warriors…that our eyes are fixed above and we can laugh at the days to come.

Thank you.  Help me keep striving and thriving.

 

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