Bonus Blog this morning! Aren’t you all excited? I really got into reminiscent mode and couldn’t keep the words back.
Last night, our family went for a little walk. Kaylee usually takes a ride in our stroller or wagon while we do this. This time, she got up and finished the last 3/4 mile with us. She wanted to pull the wagon all by herself, and insisted that she do it. She’d take help when cars were coming and if she tried to pull the wagon up on peoples lawns, but other than that she was doing on her own.
I looked at my little girl and saw how little she wasn’t anymore. I asked her, “Kaylee, when did you get to be so big?” And she paused her walk to respond, “Uhhhh, this weekend!” Harold and I thought it was hilarious! But as I sit here this morning and reflect what carrying Kaylee was like throughout the pregnancy and first couple years of her life, I can’t help but fight back the tears.
You know it goes fast. You never really understand what that means until you are looking back and realize those moments are gone. I tell people that Kaylee is a beautiful girl with a big heart. She had always been a content girl. Stubborn, but mostly content. She wants to be a big helper. She delights in making her mommy happy. She wants to learn and do things just like everyone around her. She’s in a hurry to grow up, and I’m not sure I’m okay with that fully.
I can’t keep her young forever, but right now I’m so thankful that I stay home. I can soak in every moment that I can to see her grow up and nurture that. I am thrilled to get to do this again with our newer arrival in November. This growing girl is a blessing, because for a while we didn’t know if God’s answer would be to keep this one with us or not. So far, the answer is “yes.” She’s active, healthy, and very strong. Reminds me of her sister. Come to think of it…her mom and dad too.
My little Kaylee isn’t so little anymore, and I’ll remember that even more when her little sister comes a long. Kaylee will grow up so much more during that time in my eyes. My newborn child became a toddler in what feels like a weekend’s time.
As I start my day reflecting on what being a mother was like for the past 2 years, I come to realize that more joy, struggle, and frustration is on the horizon. It’s beyond what words can say sometimes, so that’s why the tears come rolling down. Sometimes I wish I could close my eyes and hold Kaylee again on that nursing pillow and she’s snuggled nice a close. When I put her down for a nap and rock with her against my growing belly, I close my eyes and remember what that was like. I’d choose to sit there and hold her throughout her whole nap. I had nothing better to do other than hold her close while I could. Well, correction…I had nothing else that I would rather do. Chores waited, house wasn’t always cleaned up, but my heart was filled with joy.
It’s time to begin those memories again with this growing girl. It’s a whole new set of memories, and that’s exciting.